Eastrose
Fellowship
Unitarian Universalist
1133
NE 181st Avenue, Gresham, Oregon -- 181st Avenue between Glisan and
Halsey
WE
ARE A WELCOMING CONGREGATION
| June
2010 The minister's view: The Biology of Questions In the process of editing my thirty-plus years of newsletter columns, I find various ideas and themes coming back to mind. This reminds me of my desire to put into writing some observations I've made as a minister and counselor over the years. One is in regard to what I call the biology of questions. In my experience there are two basic forms of questions which encompass most of the queries addressed to one another. One form is “information questions.” The person asking is simply seeking factual information to respond to some perceived need. With “information questions” a reply will either convey facts or be a variation on “I don't know.” Examples of “information questions” would be: “What time is it?” “Do we have a Users' Manual?” “Have you arranged for a sitter?” “How many people live in the United States?” One way to identify an “information question” is by the listener's response to the reply. For an “information question,” the listener will be satisfied with the answer. Such satisfaction does not happen with the other form of questions. They would be the “tension reduction” questions. The person asking is experiencing some form of tension. For example, they may be uncertain about their relationship to the person being addressed, uneasy about the consequences (good or bad) of certain behaviors, or profoundly concerned about how some behavior appears. “tension reduction questions” will sound like: “Do you love me?” “Have you had too many drinks?” “Will going to your favorite restaurant be a good anniversary gift?” “How do you think my mother would feel about this?” There are many more possible examples. Not only will there be little or no factual way to reply. The person being addressed will often not even know what's behind the question in the first place. Frequently the content of the question (love, drinks, food, mom in the examples) has no direct tie to why the questioner is asking it. Self-doubts, traumatic memories of childhood, uneasy feelings about a marriage, and resentment over the attention paid to another person would be common tensions behind the tension questions above. Replying to the content of the question will not satisfy the questioner, since that was not the purpose of the query. My experience with these two forms of questions leads to two other observations. First, the ratio of “tension reduction questions” to “information questions” seems to be about three to one. That is, twenty-five percent of questions can be satisfied with a direct answer and seventy-five percent need a different response. Second, the better response to a “tension reduction question” is to address the emotion behind it. Be it fear, inadequacy, anger, hope or despair, asking the questioner about those will always be more satisfying than a “factual” answer. Thus, “Are you anxious about how I feel about us?” will go further than “Of course I love you!” Or, “Are you worried about my appreciating your gift?” will bring more relief than “That special restaurant would be great.” From the standpoint of emotional efficiency and building a healthier relationship, telling the difference between “tension reduction questions” and “information questions” is worth the effort. Since my definition of spirituality is “nourishing and healthy relationships with others and with one's environment,” it's valuable to our faith, too. Love, David |
| May
2010 The minister's view: Trust and Freedom of the Press A recent Pew Research Center survey reveals that nearly three-quarters of American citizens do not trust their government. In this time of the Tea Party, it's tempting to assume these are mostly anti-tax conservatives. However, with the continuation of our overseas wars, the extension of secrecy around Homeland Security, and the alarming support for the already rich, there are those who don't trust government for more “liberal” reasons. Americans have been distrusting government for over two centuries for a wide range of reasons. Google recently withdrew from mainland China due to systemic censorship. However, in the news stories about this event, mention was made that Google already censors information in dozens of countries. This is the sin of omission – the disallowed results simply never appear on the computer screen. This is odious. Not knowing HOW we the people are being deceived or abused, whether due to secrecy or false information, does terrible damage in a democracy. The issue is not whether those in government will engage in skullduggery – they will do so from time to time, whether from criminal activity or self-interest. We Unitarian Universalists place a high value on ideas and open discussion as well as on honesty. We really must know what's going on in government. Which brings us to the realization that although we may love to depend on the internet for our news, it is also easily censored and manipulated. Historically it has been printed words – in the form of books, magazines and newspapers – that have jealously guarded our freedom to know. However, as we drop our subscriptions to printed media and rely increasingly on computers, we have fewer and fewer options to really know what's going on. Even if it turns out to need correction, there is something about ink on paper that preserves knowledge. Glowing pixels on a screen offer no such permanence. Plus, with typically millions of results from most searches, we will understandably rely on the first few references and never “dig into a story” the way a good reporter will do. My wife and I receive three newspapers and several magazines. Sure, they cost more than “free” on the internet. However, the price of losing knowledge and freedom of the press is far more costly to our society and eventually to us. I know many of you who read this no longer have printed media coming to your homes. I hope in the interest of our common freedom and in trust of our government that you might reconsider what price you may be paying for letting the printing presses go silent. Love, David P.S. Please plan to attend the Annual Meeting on May 16 – and also review the proposed Covenant of Right Relations before you arrive. |
| April
2010 The minister's view: Purposeful Living The evangelical Christian book “The Purpose Driven Life” by Dr. Rick Warren remains popular. As is true with other spiritual and moral issues, I believe we Unitarian Universalists need not concede the use of words and ideas to more traditional faiths if they could be useful in our lives, too. In my sermons, in our adult education programs, and in individual conversations I often find myself encouraging a sense of purpose and value as we go along the path of life. Recently columnist Joe Rojas-Burke in The Oregonian had an article headlined “Key to healthy aging: a sense of purpose in life.” He reported on a Chicago study which “used questionnaires to rate the sense of purpose in life among thousands of retirement-age women and men. Those with the highest sense of purpose were half as likely to develop Alzheimer's disease than those with the lowest sense of purpose during seven years of follow-up. In an earlier study the same group found that the risk of dying from any cause was nearly cut in half among women and men with a greater sense of purpose. The protective effect seems to work regardless of depression or disability. The lead author of the studies speculated that the protection emerges as a result of participating in meaningful activities, staying focused on reaching goals and engaging with other people.” Joe Rojas-Burke included “some of the survey statements used to rate a sense of purpose: * I feel good when I think of what I've done in the past and what I hope to do in the future. * I have a sense of direction and purpose in life. * I enjoy making plans for the future and working them to a reality. * Some people wander aimlessly through life, but I am not one of them. * My daily activities often seem trivial and unimportant to me. * I used to set goals for myself, but that now seems like a waste of time.” Well, “participating in meaningful activities, staying focused on reaching goals and engaging with other people,” is our primary focus as a UU congregation. That we share this with other religious people such as Rick Warren's readers is no surprise. Our special Unitarian Universalist perspective is that such purpose and meaning is available to any human being and is important to all of us if we wish to live a healthy life. One need not have a particular dogma or faith to open the doorway to the purpose-full life. Each day we have to live is a day to embrace our sense of direction and aims in living. If we do this openly with one another, we will probably do it well, too. At least, that's my view. Love, David P.S. The death in early March of Flo Lewis brings much sadness to my heart – I'm so glad I knew her. The memorial service on April 3 will be a time of memory and joy for her life with us. |
| March
2010 The Minister's View... Awe-some news! In a recent New York Times column by science writer John Tierney, he reported a study about e-mailing news articles to others and the quality of awe. The researchers were curious what in a news article led readers to send them to friends? Here is some of what they found: “... according to the researchers, Jonah Berger and Katherine Milkman, people preferred e-mailing articles with positive rather than negative themes, and they liked to send long articles on intellectually challenging topics. Perhaps most of all, readers wanted to share articles that inspired awe, an emotion that the researchers investigated after noticing how many science articles made the list. … ...Building on prior research, the Penn researchers defined the quality as an 'emotion of self-transcendence, a feeling of admiration and elevation in the face of something greater than the self.' ...Seeing the Grand Canyon, standing in front of a beautiful piece of art, hearing a grand theory or listening to a beautiful symphony may all inspire awe. So may the revelation of something profound and important in something you may have once seen as ordinary or routine, or seeing a causal connection between important things and seemingly remote causes. ...Dr. Berger said 'If I’ve just read this story that changes the way I understand the world and myself, I want to talk to others about what it means. I want to proselytize and share the feeling of awe. If you read the article and feel the same emotion, it will bring us closer together.'” Awe. I believe that is much of why I am a Unitarian Universalist. Awe at the wonder of the world, of human beings, of the universe, and of everything that we see, feel and hear. Awe. The qualities of transcendence, admiration and elevation which allow us to see our selves in a broader context. I may not be able to define it simply, and yet I know it when I feel it. I want to share it. I am so grateful to get to experience, appreciate and share Awe. May we each have an awe-some day. See you in church! Love, David |
| February
2010 The Minister's View...
Amateur at Life? Happy New Year! Not only have we survived the menacing millennial transition, we have made it into the next decade of the twenty-first century. Hoorah! As time seems to speed along I find the twenty and thirty-year horizons projected for global warming and Social Security disasters to be pretty close. Maybe it's like those convex mirrors on our cars: “events are closer than they appear...” Often I feel like an amateur at life. First, I often feel like I do not know what I am doing. So many times I seem to have expectations that don't pan out or I try some new plan for self-improvement that proves more difficult or slower than I want. To make it worse, I have a sense that others actually DO know how to live successful lives. Many years ago I heard a speaker say: “we compare our raw insides to other's polished outsides and we always lose!” That's what I'm talking about. Recently I learned the definition of amateur. Amateur means “to love” and the root means “lover.” I like that. My mentor once said to some folks who were upset with me that “David is just a lover – he wants to like people.” And, that's true. I did not realize that makes me an amateur at life – just trying to love it. In fact, as another speaker I listen to once said, our primary work with one another in this life is just to love one another – and, if things have not been going well, to 'love the hell out of one another.'” I really like that thought: our job is to love the hell out of one another. That's actually just simple Universalism if you think about it. So, I am right now a happy amateur at life. I bumble often and frequently think I do not know what I'm doing. However, I just keep at the job: to love one another and, when we need to, love the hell out, too. Not a bad job for an amateur, in fact. See you in church! Love, David Haiti donations: Over $1,205 was donated in cash and credit card amount by Eastrose members and friends at the January 17 service. This was forwarded right away to the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee (UUSC). |
| January
2010 The
Minister's View: Answering the question: Do we fit in? In October an e-mail to Eastrose arrived from a local family. I did not find it in the Junk folder for a few weeks. Once I read it, I sought to reply – and I thought you might be interested, too. The original message: “Hello, We live in [a small Oregon town]... there are probably 15 churches in our little town and we belong to none of them. Most of our friends and acquaintances are church goers and Republicans. Sometimes we wonder if there really is a church for us. We are skeptics: We voted for Obama. We like Al Gore and believe in his many causes. We do not like George Bush. We are registered Democrats. We want the war in Afghanistan to end. We are avid re-cyclers. We eat meat and fish and love carbs. We drive Fords and Chevys. We are self-employed and buy our own health insurance. We have a 16 year old boy. P and A” And my response: “Hello P and A -- this is from David Maynard -- I'm the minister here at Eastrose. I was cruising through e-mails and found yours in an obscure place in my machine. Possibly our administrator Kathryn has already replied to you. Your description of your lives sounds "normal" for our congregation -- if you want to know if you "fit in" in those ways, the answer is clearly "yes." Choosing to be a part of a community of any sort is always a separate issue. Our faith especially attracts strong individualists. Thus, choosing to be part of a community can easily go against the grain in one area or another as people spend time together. Certainly the most difficult part of being a Unitarian Universalist is not just "fitting in" in our many causes and views, but in accepting that we can differ in views and even our practice and still have a community. I sometimes say that if we are going to "sin," (not a word we use much here) it will be in being intolerant. We have a 400 year-old expression that captures this: "We need not think alike to love alike." The guy who said it was an advisor to a European king. It's been our common theme and the bane of our collective spirit ever since. Please feel free to visit us (10:30 every Sunday) -- we change pretty dramatically from week to week, so coming six times helps give you a balanced view. Please feel free to call (503-358-4570 is my cell) or the church number. You can read more at www.eastrose.org or on Facebook at Eastrose Fellowship UU, too. Best wishes for the holidays and the New Year!” “We need not think alike to love alike,” said Francis David around 1570. We've been working at this a long time. See you in church! Love, David |